In my late twenties I was in a mental health crisis. Depression or any mental health condition is no joke.  Dealing with depression is hard AF. That said, being diagnosed with depression was my wake up call. If I didn’t have my health what did I have? Simple. Nothing. This was the beginning of me choosing to put me first above all else. This is when my healing journey truly began.

Over the years I built my support team. I had my medical and wellness team which included my family doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, and mindset and wellness coach. I had my family. I couldn’t have gotten through this mental health crisis without them. I am eternally grateful to have them in my life. And I had my close friends. I strongly encourage anyone struggling with their mental health to find your people or person. We all need someone to lean on during difficult times. It’s okay to ask for help. It takes courage to ask for help.

After my diagnosis of depression I took it one step at a time. Initially I worked with my psychologist and family doctor. I started antidepressant medication. I was one of the fortunate ones in that the first type of anti-depressants I tried were helpful. During this time, I was still working as a physiotherapist however my work was modified. I tried several return to work plans and anytime I would return to full time work my depression would flare and it was like I was back at the beginning again. I worked on building a new routine over the course of several years. 

During this time, I had also added my mindset and wellness coach to my team. She has been pivotal in helping guide me during my difficult times and helping me create the life I truly desired. 

What was fascinating was as my mental health improved I started to work on my physical health, in particular my back and hip pain. During this time I had attended a course on the role of the pelvic floor and movement and was curious to see if perhaps my pelvic floor was playing a role in my back and hip pain. In order to find out, I booked in to see a pelvic health physiotherapist.  Perhaps not surprisingly I had some pelvic floor dysfunction. This can certainly play a role in hip and back pain and functioning. At the end of the day, everything is connected. And so, I worked with this physiotherapist with the same goals of running and getting back to playing soccer.  

To give a bit of background on where my physical fitness level was at, I would only walk 5 minutes before turning around back home due to pain. I found it challenging working on walking. I had a lot of fear of re–injury or making things worse. Sharing this with my physiotherapist, she made a plan to help me get past these pain points. Which included stopping when I had pain and doing some gentle stretching before returning to walking. With this single change I went from walking 5 minutes to 40 minutes! This was a huge “AHA” moment for me. I realised the pain I was experiencing on my walks wasn’t due to injury, it was because my body wasn’t used to this activity. This played a significant role in helping me adjust my mindset when it came to my pain.

I was putting time and effort into my overall well-being. Once COVID-19 hit, there were a lot of changes. I was temporarily laid off for 6 months. As stressful as it was not knowing when I’d get called back to work, it allowed me to continue to work on my mental and physical health. After those 6 months of lay-off, I felt the best I ever had in a really long time. I was actually excited to go back to work when I got the call to come back. I was ready to work. This was the fall of 2020. However, sure enough when I returned to work my mental health gradually started to decline. I took care of myself as best as I could during this time. I was looking forward to the Christmas holidays that year. Viewing it as a time to rest and recharge. I had a lovely holiday, however, once I went back to work in January 2021 I could tell my symptoms were still there. I was managing until life threw me another curve ball. 

I had gotten a call from my mom on a Saturday that my dad was transported by ambulance to the hospital from the walk-in medical clinic due to heart concerns. Long-story short my dad needed bypass surgery. This was extremely stressful to say the least. WIth this being during COVID-19 only one person was allowed to visit him, which ended up being my mom. I also didn’t want to go back home as I worked in healthcare and didn’t want to risk passing anything onto my family and/or dad when he got home. I am beyond grateful to say my dad’s surgery went great and to this day is doing well. When this happened to my dad, it was like ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back.” It was too much. I was done. My family doctor took me off of work and prescribed additional  medication. What I thought would just be a few weeks off to adjust to my new medications turned out to be over a year. I was lower than I realised. I was struggling and ultimately moved back home as I couldn’t take care of myself.

Once again, I found myself recovering mentally and emotionally. However, this time I had plenty of strategies to help me, along with a killer support system. 

As my mental health improved I was able to evaluate the effect my job had on my health. It was a toxic workplace and wasn’t supportive to my overall health and well-being. I had to fight to get any kind of support. Thus,I began to look for a different physiotherapy workplace. Having worked as a physical therapist for over 6 years and living with my own pain, both mental and physical, I saw gaps in the current healthcare system, in particular with physiotherapy. I was looking for a clinic that valued and supported their employees. Along with a clinic that saw the “bigger’ picture when helping people with pain. But I found what I was looking for didn’t exist. So I looked into starting my own physiotherapy practice. After having done the research I still felt restricted in the services I would be able to provide. This led me to leave physiotherapy and start my own business as an alternative pain management coach. Just writing that makes me smile. The decision to become a coach made me feel freer. It aligned with how I knew I could help people with pain. Once I came to the decision to switch careers I handed in my resignation and said good-bye to the 9-5! 🙂 

Changing professions and leaving a toxic work environment played a pivotal role in my healing. I was now building a business that aligned with how I wanted to live my life. Following this path has allowed me to thrive. It has allowed me to grow and expand how I define a happy and successful life. Moving towards what worked best for me allowed me to heal physically, mentationally, emotionally and spiritually. I have learned and discovered things about myself I had no idea about. I’ve experienced joy and pleasure in ways I didn’t know were possible. This is the power of living an aligned life and it begins with making the decision to put you first above all else. The road isn’t easy but it sure is worth it. Making this choice changed my life and has led me down a path of love. A deeper love for myself and others. As my life has profoundly changed and my relationship to pain has been transformed I wanted to share this with others. With the hope that my experiences can help someone else. That’s why I have created this blog. To share my journey and background. To educate others about pain science and share tools that may be termed “outside the box” that have helped me in healing my pain. And if nothing else I hope this blog inspires those living with pain and gives them hope. I hope to inspire taking back one’s power from pain and living the life you desire. I want to provide alternative ways to manage pain and get back on track with your life. To move forward again. To get unstuck and look forward to a new future. A future you create, not your pain. 

May you move again.

With Love,
Steph